Oh so tired

I thought I was tired during the first trimester, but I think the third is beating that by a lot. I feel tired pretty much all the time. Not to the point of being unable to function, but just a dragging weariness that slows me down and makes me dream of my bed frequently throughout the day. It also makes it really hard to wake up in the morning. The alarm clock is not enough of a motivation to move!

I have a doctor's appointment later today so am looking forward to that. Another step along the way!

Our childbirth class is this Saturday as well, and then my second baby shower is on Sunday. Quite a baby-filled week all in all!

Too happy to express

It's been a while but I'm back again!

As I sit here at work feeling our little boy move around, it makes me very happy to know he is alive and well! I hope he's growing big and getting ready to meet his mommy and daddy very soon! (8.5 weeks to go yikes!)

It's incredible how fast time has gone... Link is almost 6 months old and soon he will have a "brother" to love too.

Here's hoping and praying... for a safe and fast labor, a happy and healthy baby, and the ability to be the best mother I can be!

It's been a while

I have a lot of down time today while working the registration table at my event, so thought I'd post a little something for my one reader in Internet-land. :)

I've been wondering why I don't feel more excited when I think about the baby's arrival. I think it's because I am hesitant to be excited for things anymore since we've had big disappointments before. It's not that I don't trust and believe that our baby will arrive on time and perfectly fine in every way, but more that I can't comprehend what that will be like or feel like and therefore can't be excited about it because it's an unknown.

Kind of weird but that's what I think is going on right now. It's easier for me to be excited about our puppy and his accomplishments because he is here and now, whereas thinking about the future is less exciting because it's not here yet. Is this a good thing? I'm not sure. Maybe it's teaching me to wait on the Lord more.

When things happen then I can be happy? Are things supposed to determine my happiness? Probably not. But, it is nice when things work out for good, regardless.

I'm pregnant, not fat...

AAHHHH. So much going on right now. And every time I see my reflection I feel fat. I know I'm not, but it still feels that way.

So tired... and so much to do still... Lord, please help me make it through this day. Amen.

Link's Surgery & My Grouchiness

Today Link went to the vet for his neutering surgery. I felt HORRIBLE walking away as I left him there, but thankfully it all went well and he is doing okay so far. We have to call later to make sure he is good to get picked up today. My poor puppy! Oh well. We are trying to be responsible dog owners and prevent unwanted puppies from occurring in the future. I must remind myself of that.

So apparently if I don't eat when I first feel hungry I get really super grouchy! This has been an interesting realization over the past few days. Like right now, as I munch my PB&J, I am starting to feel better, whereas two minutes ago I was ready to rip this person's face off after reading the email they sent me. So weird. Normally I'm pretty calm and not violent at all.

Time is gone away

It seems like whenever I try to have a nice open week with nothing going on that stuff magically appears or reappears on my calendar.

Either I forgot it was happening (i.e., my hair appointment, book club), or we add things to our schedule because of family (i.e., Mom's potential knee surgery tomorrow, watching the nephews on Saturday).

Regardless, my nice open weekend is now full of things to do! :(

What the heck was I doing?

This is what I find myself wondering a lot lately... it appears that my brain is, for the most part, gone. If I don't write something down it won't get done, because I'll forget about it. I left my keys in the atrium of another building today. I have notes everywhere and I feel so disorganized, but this is how I have to be right now!

That, plus getting out of breath easily and stretch marks, are daily reminders that I'm pregnant. Plus, our little boy kicking me every so often is a good reminder too! (Yes, it's a boy! Hooray!)

I will be 22 weeks tomorrow. Next week I have another ultrasound to try to look at baby's spine - last time he wouldn't uncurl enough for them to see everything. It will be nice to be able to check in again. Sometimes I wish I had a window into my tummy so I could see him and make sure he was okay. However, it would be really weird to see him developing, especially in the early stages when the ears and eyes aren't in the right places. I guess God did know what He was doing when He set this whole thing up. ;)

The dog has landed!

We brought Link home on Monday. He is adorable, fuzzy, and playful - as well as easily distracted and somewhat anxious when left alone. We seem to have bonded pretty well, but then the result is that whenever I leave him alone he starts crying and jumping at the gate trying to get out. I feel horrible leaving him alone, but I don't want to encourage his antics.

He's doing pretty well with potty training so far - I'm actually very impressed. Corgis are supposed to be intelligent, but he is very smart. We're bell training him, but I think he thinks that he can ring the bell to get to go outside without using the bathroom, which is not the case! We will see if he gets it as we continue.

In pregnancy news, I am 17 weeks today. I have a doctor's appointment in 2 hours, so I need to hurry up and get ready. However, the waking up at 5:30 am for the past three days (plus the 1 am potty run for Link this morning) is making me super sleepy! But today I can't go back to bed for a few hours like I did yesterday. (Sigh.)

Apparently that was a bad idea...

I just watched a bunch of birthing videos on BabyCenter and I'm kind of FREAKING OUT!!!

I knew I didn't want an epidural, but now I realllllllllly don't want one. Needles freak me out and that needle is giant and they put it in your back!!!!! The C-section was also crazy. No wonder it's so painful and takes so long to recover from. I have to give big props to my mom for having three kids that way and living to talk about it. Yikes!

The best video I saw was the water birth. I don't think they offer that at the hospital where I'm going to deliver but I think they do have Jacuzzi tubs so hopefully I can relax. I also liked seeing some of the relaxation techniques (moving around, using an exercise ball, having the hubby help with massaging) that I think (hope!) will be helpful when I get to that point. I'm going to go see if they offer any classes like that besides the Bradley class. If not, we're taking that one!

Haha!

Open my BabyFit email for week 14 and this is what it says:

Baby (and Mom) Hit a Growth Spurt
Chances are, not even that rubber band trick from a couple of weeks ago is working. You're really starting to show and probably wearing your maternity clothes by now. You might want to hang on to your clothes for as long as possible, but you'll feel more comfortable in clothes that fit and can accommodate your expanding belly.

Puppy time, yogurt, and tight pants

We went to see Link, the Corgi puppy we are going to bring home April 12, last weekend. He is so cute!! He's a little shy with being held though. Maybe he's just afraid of heights like me!

Shopping last night was interesting. We are going to California this weekend so I'm trying not to buy too many groceries, but we still need enough stuff to get through the week. (Well, I do at least, since I'm apparently supposed to eat every 2 hours now!) I was trying to find yogurt that didn't have sugar as the second ingredient (or that at least had less grams of sugar than the Wegmans brand). I found that Stonyfield Farm's YoBaby yogurt has only 12g of sugar per 4 oz serving, so I decided to try that since it was cheaper than the Wegmans Organic (which had 20g of sugar per 6 oz serving, so it's about the same). Having whole milk yogurt tastes a little weird after having lowfat for so long. I haven't tried the pear yet but the peach is pretty good. I just feel silly eating yogurt that's for babies!

This morning I had to wear my belly band for the first time! It was kind of weird. These pants are normally loose on me but as of today no more! I could get the first button done but that was about it. Plus I didn't want to be uncomfortable all day. Joe says you can't see that they are undone through the layers of fabric but I am still slightly nervous. So far so good though, no one's said "Hey, are your pants undone?"

14 weeks and counting!

This is a milestone for me. After miscarrying twice around the 8-9 week mark, it's a relief to be able to get to 14 weeks and feel like I've got all those first trimester worries behind me.

However, I'd like for the queasiness to stop now! This morning I opened my fridge and gagged from the smell. Now I'm sitting in my office after eating a very light lunch (salad, fruit, soup) at a work event and feeling nauseous. WHY???

I hate feeling sick so much. It's also frustrating because I'm not in control of my own body. There are things changing and happening inside of me that I can't control, seemingly no matter what I eat or how much (or how little, to be more accurate haha) I exercise or how much water I drink.

However, as my friend (a new mom herself) reminded me, it's good to have symptoms because it means the pregnancy is going okay. I understand the logic behind that, but I'm still not happy when I'm queasy.

We have started preparing for getting our dogg-o, which is exciting and nerve-wracking all at the same time. We are going to drive down to see him tomorrow, and then we will bring him home April 12. I'm planning on working from home that week so that I can start working on crate training with him, and then we will start on the "schedule" I've made up, which will involve one of us coming home everyday to let him out and feed him until he gets old enough to fully control himself for a full day.

I think this will be good practice for having a child, but dogs aren't quite as demanding... I hope. Either way, it's a change in the series of changes that we are making/having occur this year, which are both exciting and scary for me. I have tended to not like change very much, but that is something I am trying to change (haha). I do still find myself longing for the times when things were simpler and everyone got along all the time, but that's not where I am now and I have to live in the present (which is truly a gift!).

I've started to get more excited about seeing my body change. I am kind of hoping I'll start showing more soon so I can get some funny pregnancy shirts and announce that I'm preggers at work that way! I feel weird about just randomly announcing it to people. If I can wait until after I get the dog settled in that might be better, but I feel like I'm already showing (although likely I just look like I've gained weight!) so I don't know if people can tell or not yet. If they can, they aren't saying anything, which might be just as well!

I've also noticed more intense moods happening lately. If I start to react to something, sometimes it feels like a flood of emotion starts to wash over me, making the reaction more intense. This has happened with both negative and positive feelings. I read Jenny McCarthy's "Belly Laughs" book last week, and I can relate to her stories about being "Psycho Chick" a little more now. (I don't really recommend the book though. Parts were funny, but other parts were a little too gross for my liking. If you're really in need of laughs, try "Pregnancy Sucks" first - it helps to know it's ok to be upset and to hear other ladies' stories of woe.)

This is one of the longer posts I've done so far, so I think I'll sign off now. This weekend is going to be packed with family and other activities, so I'd better get some rest!

Juice boxes are awesome, and other errata.

13 weeks today!

Joe was given a referral to juice boxes by a mom at his job. I bought some Apple & Eve fruit/veggie no sugar added ones from BJs and they are great! Whenever I feel my blood sugar getting low or when I feel sick, I drink one and it helps so much!

A friend of mine gave me some maternity clothes yesterday - what a blessing! Two dresses, two pairs of pants, and a bunch of shirts - all pretty much dressy enough to wear to work! Hooray!

I didn't realize how quickly I would need shirts. The exponential growth in bra size has made it hard to wear a lot of what I own, and I can't fit into most of my pants anymore. As it begins to warm up here, capris are going to become more of a necessity. I think I'm going to shop a little this weekend to fill out the pant side of the wardrobe. We also are going to California in April so I need clothes I can wear there too (which helps to justify it I think... haha).

Puppy visit this Saturday. Apparently the puppy we were planning to get has some shyness issues, so the breeder might recommend a different dog. And we want to talk to her about the whole having a baby later in the year issue to see what she thinks. We don't want the dog to feel neglected after the baby comes. However, if we wait to get a dog we probably won't for at least 10 more years... Anyway, we will see what happens. I'm sure God will work it out. :)

Why am I obsessed with baby registries?

It's such a weird feeling... I know I can't really finish the registry until we know what the baby is, but I'm obsessed with adding things, tweaking things, changing things... what is wrong with me??

This week I had some bad nausea that knocked me out of commission for two days. Thankfully now I am back at work and seem to be doing ok. I'm having trouble figuring out what to eat when. I just tried eating some dry cereal (suggestion from my mommo) and I'm not sure if it will work out okay or not. Also I realized that today we have a meeting and I am dressed rather casually! Oh well.

And in other news - I found a breast pump on Craigslist for $75! I'm pretty excited as they are expensive new (well, at least the one I want is $300) and I didn't want to put more stuff on my registry than I actually need. If I can get one ahead of time then why not? Then hopefully people can get us the more expensive stuff that we need from the registry... like a crib, armoire, strollers, etc. etc. It's interesting to realize how ill-prepared the average person/couple is for adding a baby - there's so much STUFF you have to get! I don't know how people do this. I'm sure it will work out though.

We also need to prepare for the doggie who will be coming soon too, so that's even more stuff to get! Not nearly as much though. I just want to make sure that I can have a dog and still be sane enough to have a baby too. Although I am excited lately I'm having second thoughts... like will I be able to train the dog well and still be consistent once the baby comes? I don't want to get a dog just for my own benefit, I want to make sure that the dog will have a good life with us! And be a good canine citizen. No misbehaving dogs allowed in our house! And he will also need to be able to be good with little kids (which is a big thing to ask when you consider how rough our nephews tend to be with animals...). If we have a boy I don't know how that will go.

Oh and for the countdown: 12 weeks and 2 days as of today! Yay!

11 weeks today

11 weeks is not that far along, but it's the farthest I've ever been. :)

Pretty happy today, but bored and trying to find stuff to do at work. It's rather difficult when waiting on people to send you things, but all of those people are on vacation this week, so I must wait.

I guess I could take the time to browse on the baby registry I created, but I'd rather wait until we find out the baby's sex (May 5!!! can't wait!!!) as that will make more sense for colors, etc. Same thing with names - we're waiting (well, mostly waiting) to discuss it til then.

This weekend I plan to go to the maternity store outlet and look to see what kind of stuff is out there. I'm starting to get a little tight in some of my clothes but for the most part I'm still okay. That reminds me - I need to look for a Bella Band. I'd like to have one if it works! That and a dress for the wedding we are going to in April and I should be all set for a while.

Popsicles and resting

Today is a very slow day. We've been steadily getting snow, which has become thicker as the day progressed. Joe just snowblowed the driveway so hopefully I can get my car out tomorrow, hooray!

In pregnancy news, the nausea continues. I lost my breakfast this morning (rather disappointing as I had just bought this new cereal to try) and so far have eaten two popsicles, a few animal crackers, and half a bagel. Not very nutritiously balanced, but I'm not sure what I can eat. :/ My tummy has been unhappy all day. This could be precipitated by my over eating yesterday... apparently it's not a good idea to eat an entire box of mac n cheese by yourself? Who knew?

Oh, and I've been getting mini-nose bleeds (as predicted in Pregnancy Sucks). Now I see little bloody boogers when I blow my nose.

Kinda want to blurt it out...

Even though I'm not yet to the second trimester mark I find myself irrationally wanting to post on Facebook and every other social media outlet that I use that I am PREGNANT! :) And excited!

Sigh.

Today I am feeling not as nauseous as other days. I am taking this as a good sign. However, I also broke the shower this morning, so I had to come to work to shower. Hopefully this will encourage me (aka force me) to come tomorrow and walk before work. That is, if we don't get snowed in! (I wouldn't mind a day off though...)

Vomit, vomit, vomit

All of last week I had some ridiculous sinus cold/cough that resulted in my throwing up almost every single day. (I'd eat something, start coughing, and then that triggered the gag reflex.) Not very fun. So I start thinking the worst is over this week, since I'm feeling better, and then last night WHAM. Nausea hit me hard. I had literally just finished eating something and about 2 minutes later it's like time to puke!

As a result, I borrowed the book "Pregnancy Sucks" from my cousin and started reading it last night. I'm appreciating the forthright tone and the idea that you don't have to be happy all the time when you're pregnant! Even though I am happy to be pregnant, some of the symptoms and changes so far honestly do suck. And most people don't tell you about them beforehand. Or if they do it's in a "oh it wasn't so bad" kind of way. Right now I want to lie on the floor like the author of the book describes doing. Except, instead of getting sympathetic looks from coworkers like she did, I would more likely let the cat out of the bag that I am pregnant (since only 2 coworkers and my boss know at this point). I'm kind of waiting to let everyone else know until I'm actually showing. (Whenever that is.) Up until then if anyone asks if I'm pregnant the response will be "No, I'm just fat."

In other news, the 20 week ultrasound is scheduled for May 5!!! Very excited to find out if there is a boy or a girl inside. :) Either way, we will be super happy.

Also, I was relieved to find out when I saw the nurse for my prenatal "intake" appointment on Monday that cold cuts from "reputable" places are generally considered okay. I had a roast beef sub 2 weeks ago and then was freaking out when I got sick because I thought I had listeria. Not cool! But thankfully that was not the case. Therefore, I had another roast beef Dibella's sub Monday before going to get blood drawn... and it was delicious! It's nice not to feel guilty about eating things I like/am craving.

Tonight we are supposed to go out for wings with friends. I'm not sure how that is going to go, as I'm feeling nauseous right now. I think the pineapple I had was a little too much acid for my tummy. The salad I bought for lunch isn't sounding too good right now either. Grrr. Sometimes it's like what exactly CAN I eat??? Hello, digestive system? You listening?

On a positive note, today I am 10 weeks!!! According to the week by week book our baby is now the size of a small plum. Next week he/she will be the size of a large lime! Crazy. And awesome.

I almost forgot!

Puppy pictures! (Well, one at least.)

This is Link, our future Pembroke Welsh Corgi! He's a tricolor, and right now he's two weeks old! Wow they are little!

Really?

We had our second ultrasound yesterday. Everything is still looking good, whoo-hoo!

However, was NOT impressed by the "bedside manner" of the doctor we saw. She ignored my husband the entire time we were there. Very weird.

And today, while calling my regular ob/gyn to schedule my follow-up appointments, I was basically yelled at by the office worker or nurse who was scheduling me to make sure I get enough rest. As she said, "This time you are going to get enough rest!"

As though somehow I caused my two prior miscarriages by not resting enough? Nope, I don't think so.

Rarrr. Rubbed me the wrong way. I'm sure she meant well by saying it. Speaking of which, right now I am so tired I am thinking about taking a nap in my office. I am not going home this evening but am going straight to a meeting so don't have time to rest... oy.

Update

Apparently the B-Natal worked so well that I was able to eat a fish fry for lunch with no problems!

Wonder & Morning Sickness

The ultrasound went well! Hooray! Everything looks as it should, is appropriately sized, etc. for how far along I am (7 weeks). It is very exciting to feel like it's all going to be okay.

During the ultrasound we could see the baby's tiny heart beating. It is wonderful, awesome, and weird all at the same time to see this fluttering that indicates life inside a being as tiny as a blueberry (soon to be the size of a raspberry!). It's hard to imagine how precisely and wonderfully we humans are made. Each tiny cell put in just the right place at the right time to bring life. Wow, God, You done good. ;)

The past few days I've had really bad morning sickness that has been lasting most of the day. I'm not sure what happened... I was feeling fine up until recently! I guess week 7 is the "special" week for me. I haven't actually thrown up yet but have felt very close a couple of times! Trying to avoid spicy, greasy, weird, or slimy foods in an effort to get my palette to calm down. Ugh.

Anyone have any good ideas to help?

The one thing I've found that does tend to help in most circumstances are the B-Natal hard candies (vitamin B6). I'm not sure if it's the vitamin itself or the action of sucking on a hard candy that helps. Regardless, I'm glad I bought some way back when and stashed them in my drawer at work!

Why am I doing this?

I've been wanting to write about what's going on with me for a while. It's somewhat difficult because I can't/won't tell anyone outside of immediate family that I am, in fact, pregnant. (Having two miscarriages last year put the damper on the telling part. It's not so much what happened as the having to tell people what happened that is the issue.)

This time around, however, things look good. We've worked with an infertility specialist and I'm on progesterone, and so far everything looks okay. My first ultrasound is tomorrow, so that will give us some more information. Why, then, am I trying to hard not to get too excited? Is there some built-in moderating function in my brain that is trying to avoid recreating the hurts of the past by not getting too invested in the future?

However, we are looking forward to the addition of our new doggie in a few months, which is something that is safer to be excited about. His name is Link, he's a tricolor Pembroke Welsh Corgi, and he's going to be two weeks old this Sunday. :)

We won't be able to bring him home until the second week of April due to our travel plans, but still, it's exciting all the same! Can't wait to see him this weekend.

In other news: I wore my first pair of maternity jeans ever today. They are really comfortable, and I got them from the Salvation Army, which is even better! I've been a little weirded out by the fact that they tend to slide down (no belt loops) but I'm sure they will be fitting me better in a few weeks or months.

That's it for now. New blog, begin!