The crossroads

Here I stand, at the crossroads of my life.

“You are now at a crossroads. This is your opportunity to make the most important decision you will ever make. Forget your past. Who are you now? Who have you decided you really are now? Don't think about who you have been. Who are you now? Who have you decided to become? Make this decision consciously. Make it carefully. Make it powerfully.” - Anthony Robbins

Thankfully it's not a life or death decision, but merely one with financial, mental, and spiritual implications: Do I leave my 'cushy' job (and the opportunity for a new job at same company that sounds interesting) for the unknown wilds of full-time motherhood and part-time freelancing?

I guess the overall big picture question that I often don't ask myself is WHAT DO I WANT? What do I really want out of life? What would I like to look back over my life and see? Watching The Secret (via Netflix - for those of you who have it, I highly recommend watching it) this past week has challenged me to really take a step back, visualize where I want to be in life, and then focus on those goals every single day.

So why haven't I done this before? I think a lot of mothers (and people in general) don't really ask themselves that question. Probably because a) it's challenging! and somewhat scary and b) we tend to focus too much on the limitations (real or perceived) within our lives.

As a Christian, I also think I haven't asked myself that question because I felt like it wasn't 'right,' as though there would be some divine road map handed down to me that I must follow no matter what. Although I do believe that doing God's will is the highest call of my life, some of my recent reading/thinking/dreaming has led me to believe even more firmly that God really wants us to enjoy the lives we have on this earth. If I don't figure out what I want within myself (what He has put within me to desire wholeheartedly) and then set goals based on those desires, I won't really enjoy life because I will get caught up in the day-to-day grind of what I 'have to do'. (This world system can be so frustrating with the 'have to dos'!)

His will for me (the plan and purpose of my life) is infinitely bound up in the being that He made that is me! I was created for something amazing, and I plan to achieve that even if it's not what the world would deem as success.

I am at a crossroads. I am choosing a path. I look forward to seeing it revealed along the way.